


Last Night Before the Funeral

by yourrhinestoneeyes



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Apologies, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, sex later on, takes place before the funeral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 14:28:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2195229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourrhinestoneeyes/pseuds/yourrhinestoneeyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Watching as Dethklok falls to pieces Skwisgaar realizes he doesn't want things between him and Toki to end badly like they are between Pickles and Nathan. He's willing to confess everything cluttering his mind just so he won't lose the one thing that means the most to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Skwisgaar didn't like when they didn't talk, but these days it felt as if nobody was on talking terms. Pickles and Nathan refused to be in the same room, most time Pickles wasn't even in Mordhaus. Skwisgaar had called him a time or two just to see where he was, how he was doing, but the second he would bring up Nathan the drummer would drop the call. Anxiety ate away at the guitarist's insides making him feel too sick to eat, binge drink, or most of his normal habits. He didn't like the silence and the tension or the fact he had nobody to talk to about what he was feeling. It reminded him too much of being back at home; being left all alone for long periods of time, his mother never there to talk to him or make him feel alright. He didn't know what he was going to do after Dethklok's last concert, where the fuck would he even go?

He had all of the money in the world, he could buy his own country if he wanted to do that; rule a part of the world. He knew that, but he still feared he would end up broke with nowhere to go. This was his home, this had been his home for nearly five years now and he wasn't going to give it up. His band mates fighting over a woman, over the destruction of what could have been their biggest selling album to date. It was a long time coming, but he had figured it wouldn't go this far. Everybody was falling apart, most times it was just Skwisgaar at home alone. Toki was normally out with Dr. Rockso or with Magnus, neither of which Skwisgaar approved of, but in the long run he chose the drug addicted clown over their psychotic ex-guitarist. He wanted to tell his friend to avoid Magnus like he was the Devil, but he knew that wouldn't work and besides they hadn't spoken to each other for months. Ever since that stupid fight. Skwisgaar was sure that Toki would happily talk to him again, not right away; there had been that intensely awkward period after the show in Norway. Skwisgaar had felt stupid, embarrassed, and confused. Toki had seemed quiet, reserved, and pissed off at him; he couldn't blame him for being pissed at him. Skwisgaar was still trying to figure out everything that had happened. It freaked him out; it wasn't even the fact that Toki had nearly ruined his career. The second he put out that stupid book and called him abusive, the second he stopped talking to Skwisgaar completely had done something to him. It scared him, it scared him that the one person he was closest to in the world that he cared about more than anything was through with him. That he had pushed him too far, that the things he had said had come off harshly.

Skwisgaar knew he shouldn't say the things he would say to the younger guitarist. He knew that it got to him and in a way he liked doing that to him. Not because he wanted to hurt him, he liked seeing him be frustrated and annoyed, liked the way they would argue and get at each other. He had never meant for it to come off as abusive, never meant to make him feel like he meant nothing. 

If he had just talked to Toki sooner before everything crossed over every line then it would have been fine. Hell he could have talked to him after some time had passed after the show. Feelings were hard for Skwisgaar though, unlike Toki he wasn't sure how to show them or express them. He could do them in extremes, but after spending so much time crying and then his break down when he for a single second though his friend was going to die he wanted nothing more than to not feel anything. He used to be a cynical asshole, he used to prioritize himself above all else, but that had changed in the past couple of years. Everything had changed, so much shit was changing, and he couldn't handle it on his own. Skwisgaar did one of the few things he felt he was good at; retreating back into himself, putting on a facade that nothing fucking mattered outside of himself. Feelings were terrifying, caring that deeply about another human being was beyond terrifying. Skwisgaar learned at a young age that caring and loving didn't get you very far in the world; he loved and cared for his mother only to have her insult him and leave him alone for weeks at a time, he loved and cared about several step fathers only to have them abandon him and leave him with a cold hearted woman, and he loved a couple of women only to be cheated on and hurt. Love was terrible, you lost the things that you loved.

So why love at all, why give a single shit?

Skwisgaar didn't want to feel that pain, but he had fallen into it all over again without realizing it. He wasn't sure if he wanted to damn the homeless teenager he placed in their band or himself for getting this close to another person after he spent years teaching himself not to. He had been doing well enough with acting like he didn't care anymore, distancing himself, and ignoring Toki the few and far between times he did try to talk to him or hang out with him. Sometimes they could hang out together, but when they would Skwisgaar would fall back into feeling all over again. He just ended up wanting to hug him, tell him he was sorry for being an asshole, and he promised he wouldn't do it ever again. That would have been utter bull shit, he knew that, Toki would have known that too. He just couldn't get himself to tell him, tell him anything at this point. Nobody was ever around and nobody wanted a fucking thing to do with one another. The loneliness was eating him up and at this point he was coming to terms with the fact that nothing mattered.

His shit selfish attitude, keeping to himself, and not wanting to be close. Nothing mattered, because his home and his makeshift family were falling apart all around him. In a week or less he would have no place to call home, he wouldn't walk into a kitchen or living room to find his four friends there arguing with each other over something utterly meaningless. He would wake up somewhere new, somewhere boring, and far too quiet. He didn't necessarily have to though. He didn't want to leave things off like the way Nathan and Pickles were willing to leave things off with each other. 

So that's why he had sent a text to Toki telling him to meet him in the living room. He knew the other guitarist was home, he had heard him in the halls the night before drunk off his ass. Skwisgaar wasn't really sure what the hell he would say, he didn't feel like he had anything useful. 

“Hey”

Skwisgaar jumped at the sound of a voice, he turned to see Toki standing next to the couch. The younger man stood looking down at him, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. He looked as uncomfortable and nervous as Skwisgaar felt.

“Hey....How have you been?” Skwisgaar asked

“Okay I guess, still kind of freaked out about this stuff with Pickles and Nathan.” he admitted

“Me too”

“Really? I figured you would already have another band lined up.” The younger man responded smirking

“Yeah right, I don't even want another band.”

“Me either”

Silence built between the two of them, Skwisgaar wished he had his guitar with him. He wasn't good with apologizing or saying what he was feeling. It never came out right it just ended with awkward statements and confessions.

“I'm sorry I've been an asshole lately.” Skwisgaar blurted out

“Be more specific”

Skwisgaar glared at him, “The uh....I didn't mean to....Sorry for everything I guess. I didn't know I fucking pissed you off that much, I didn't mean to.” He stated more calmly this time.

He still felt sick with anxiety, he stood up hoping maybe that would ease his mind some. Something about the height difference managed to make him feel less like he was going to puke his guts up. Toki looked up at him waiting, expecting for this to go somewhere self indulgent.

“Really, what you think I'm too stupid to get pissed when you say that stuff? It really hurts. You used to be really nice to me and we used to hang out, then you started treating me like shit.”

“I know, I know I'm sorry. I've been thinking about what happened a lot, it's been really bothering me.”

“That I single handedly ruined your career?” Toki asked looking mildly proud of himself.

“No...A little bit, but not that.”

“So what then?” Toki asked more curious now.

Skwisgaar did his best to filter the thoughts going around his mind at a frantic pace before they came out of his mouth in jumbles of embarrassing words.

“This shit going on with Nathan and Pickles, it's so fucking stupid, and we're all breaking up because of it. It's really stupid and I don't want us to be like that. I don't want to lose you just because of some fight and because I've been a total dick.”

He felt less anxious getting out most of what he needed to say. Though he could still feel his heart pounding against his chest and his fingers itched to be on the chords of a guitar just to take his mind off of what was going on. 

“You really mean that?”

The younger man looked at him cautiously like he was scared the moment he forgave him that they would go back to the bad parts all over again. He knew how Skwisgaar could be, how self centered and immature he could get. 

“I do, I really do; I care about you. It scares the hell out of me, that's why I haven't talked to you that much since then. I don't know how to deal with it or anything right now. I just know I really don't like being alone and I really miss you and I kind of really fucking need you.”

Anxiety was filling him all over again, he didn't really care what he said anymore. There was a chance they would never see each other again after the funeral tomorrow. This could be the last chance he got to tell him everything, to admit how stupid and arrogant he was and that he worried about him anymore. He just wanted him back to normal, back to being healthy and sane. He wanted everything the way it used to be and that seemed like a million years ago.

If nothing mattered and if they never saw each other again then what was the point to keeping every single thing in? Right?

Skwisgaar stepped closer to the shorter man, Toki eyed him curiously. Skwisgaar placed a hand on his hip, fingers brushing up underneath his shirt and touching against scarred skin. He wasn't being punched in the face yet. He placed his other hand on the younger man's cheek, fingers brushing back through thick brown hair. Toki stared up at him, lips parted and eyes studying his face just waiting anxiously for his next move. Skwisgaar felt like he could turn and run, leave it at this awkward tension filled moment.

“I'm...I'm not entirely sure what to do anymore.” Skwisgaar admitted, his voice low and nervous.

“Me either....If it helps anything I'm not mad at you anymore”

It was nearly funny that Skwisgaar was known for his sexual prowess, he was known for being able to fuck any man or woman he wanted. Yet for some reason for years now he couldn't get past anywhere but terrible and awkward attempts at flirting with his best friend. Even right now he wasn't sure if he should kiss him or apologize for what was happening. The blond haired man released a shaky breath before leaning down and pressing his lips against Toki's. Relief flooded through him when the brunette kissed him back, lips working their best to meet the pace that Skwisgaar was setting in his excitement. The taller musician broke away from the kiss, he leaned his forehead against Toki's; both of them were left breathing a bit heavily, both grinning at each other. Toki took Skwisgaar's face in his hands bringing him down for another quick kiss followed by a second, by the third they kissed longer and more intimately. The pace more comfortable and at ease this time. Skwisgaar groaned when his friend bit at his lower lip. He felt more alive in that moment than he had for the longest time, if the world was ending tomorrow then he had tonight to do everything he wished he could do. 

He had the money to buy out entire islands, to build a castle out of ice and diamonds and watch as everything fell at his feet, but the only thing he wanted was to spend his night with the man he currently held in his arms.


	2. Last Kiss

Skwisgaar ground his hips down against the younger man, a hand gripped tightly onto his ass pulling him down closer. They kissed roughly, sharp teeth biting into a full lip, and tongues caressing over one another. When they would break apart it was only to breathe or to try and kiss at other areas. Skwisgaar groaned when Toki's teeth bit into the side of his neck, he didn't resist when the shorter man lay him on his back. He arched up into his touch when he felt a hand palming and squeezing at his cock through his jeans that felt far too tight right now. A warm tongue ran down along the front of his throat stopping at the collar of his shirt. A disappointed whine escaped the blond haired musician when all contact left him, Toki sat back on his lap looking down at him, he pulled at the front of his shirt.

“Off” 

Skwisgaar pulled himself up into a sitting position and shred himself of his shirt. He grabbed the younger man by his sides pulling his body against him. He kissed him hard, tongue finding its way into his eager mouth. Toki's fingers tangled in the older man's wavy blond hair and he ground himself against him. Skwisgaar lay the shorter man down onto the bed; he kissed across his collar bones and down the center of his chest. He pressed quick kisses against bruises, burn marks, and faded scars he sometimes wished he didn't know the stories behind. Fingers combed through his hair, the younger man hummed in approval as he watched the older man. Skwisgaar moved back up to his lips kissing him passionately, he slipped his hand down into the front of his jeans taking hold of his hard cock giving it a slow stroke. The younger musician moaned into the kiss, he arched his back off of the bed; Skwisgaar stroked him slowly, teasingly. Toki moved his hips wanting the older man to pick up the pace, a hard bite to his bottom lip showing just how frustrated his partner was becoming as he kept up the slow pace. Skwisgaar pulled back smirking down at him.

“Patience, I always tell you about that.” He commented before pressing a kiss beneath his earlobe.

“Please Skwisgaar, last chance to do this right?”

The older man felt that pang of sadness he had nearly forgotten.

“Maybe, do you want it to be?” He asked looking down into the younger man's eyes.

“No” Toki finally answered, voice soft.

Skwisgaar's hands rubbed over his sides, fingers tracing marks he wanted to spend a lifetime memorizing.

He had practically made a religion out of learning not to feel or to care or to fall in love. He had to wonder though what somebody who never gave their love away could expect from somebody who gave their love to everybody.

“Jeg elsker deg” Skwisgaar whispered, if this was the last time they might see each other then why keep anything secret?

That didn't keep him from feeling anxious as he waited for a response.

“You really mean that?” 

“Yeah I guess I do” The older man responded, he felt unsure about ninety different things right now.

Saying he loved him felt right though, kissing him felt incredible, and he didn't know where he would be waking up tomorrow. 

Toki placed a hand on the back of his neck, fingers curling in his hair. He leaned up kissing the older man, it was gentle and sweet; it reminded Skwisgaar of girls he gave his heart years ago.

“I love you too” 

It was in the way he whispered it and the way he looked at him reflecting the excitement and fear Skwisgaar felt in himself, he wasn't alone. He wasn't alone for the first time in what felt like far too long. They kissed deeply, passionately; hands roaming over bare skin and pulling at long hair. If they had one night to close a chapter and begin a new one they didn't want to put it to waste. Skwisgaar worshiped the body beneath his with his hands and his mouth, every moan and whisper of his name was like a prayer. He felt like a God, but not in the way he used to feel; this was clean, this was different, and he wanted it for as long as he could have it. 

Skwisgaar trailed kisses up along his inner thigh, fingers tugged at his hair and the gentle bucking of the younger man's hips hinted where his mouth was mostly wanted. The older musician wrapped his fingers around the base of Toki's cock giving it one slow stroke. He kissed the tip of his cock before taking the head into his mouth sucking slowly, tongue circling the head in a slow motion. He took more of his length into his mouth sucking harder, a hand on the back of his head pushed and a voice begged him to go further. Skwisgaar pulled off completely, he ran his tongue up along the underside from the base to the head, he ran his tongue over the tip of his cock before taking it back into his mouth going down as far as he could. He kept a firm hold on the other man's hip to keep him from bucking his hips as hard as he was wanting to. Skwisgaar kept a teasing pace as he moved up and down his cock, tongue tracing along his skin. He pulled away before the younger man could cum. Skwisgaar moved back up his body, he brushed his fingers against his cheek as he leaned down kissing him. A leg wrapped around his back pulling his body down against the one below him. The blond haired man pulled away long enough to grab a bottle of lube from beneath a pillow. He sat back on his knees squirting the liquid onto the palm of his hand coating it over his fingers. He dropped the bottle back down onto the bed, Toki kept his legs wrapped around Skwisgaar's lower back and his hips lifted up off of the bed giving the taller man easier access. 

Skwisgaar carefully worked two fingers inside of him pushing in slowly until they were half way inside. The feeling wasn't all that great at first, but it didn't hurt;when he relaxed Skwisgaar pulled his fingers out then pushed back in repeating the process slowly stretching him open. He leaned down kissing along his stomach, he pushed his fingers in further brushing against Toki's prostate. The dark haired guitarist moaned, hips jerking; Skwisgaar continued pressing against the same spot earning more moans and praises and begging from his partner. He pulled his fingers out, emptied more of the lube onto his hand and coated it over his erection. Skwisgaar pushed inside of him stopping when he felt the younger man's body tense. Toki chewed nervously at his lower lip, the blond haired man rubbed at his side. He leaned down kissing him gently.

“Just relax” Skwisgaar whispered

The older man eased himself further inside, Toki's body was still tense but not as much now. Skwisgaar continued to kiss him going from his lips to his neck. He pulled out most of the way then pushed back in careful to not hurt him, this time he felt far less tense; the pain he had been feeling ebbed way into discomfort. When the head of his cock hit against his prostate discomfort turned to pleasure and the younger musician moaned. Skwisgaar pushed in to the hilt, he built up a better rhythm as he thrusts inside of his friend. Fingernails dug into his shoulder blades drawing moans from the blond, he bit into the other man's neck as he picked up his pace. Legs wrapped around his back pulled him down closer, the man below him wanting to feel as much of him as humanly possible. They kissed roughly, hungrily like he wished they had a million times before. This felt better than every casual fuck he'd had in years, every face he forgot, and name he never bothered to learn. The feeling of somebody needing him just as badly as he needed them was overwhelming. When Skwisgaar ended up lying on his back with Toki on top of him he could only look up at him with a feeling of adoration and lust. The sensation of having his cock buried inside of him was the best thing he'd felt for so long now. A slow controlled pace, hands gripping tightly to his shoulders, and lips pressed against his. The slow rhythmic thrusting turned quicker over time, Skwisgaar kept a firm grip on his hips his nails biting into his skin making marks of their own. His right hand wrapped around Toki's cock stroking him bringing him closer, the younger man rest his forehead against Skwisgaar's chest moaning and crying out words in some bastard mix of Norwegian and English. Toki's body tensed as he came, grip tightening on Skwisgaar's arms as he thrust into his hand draining himself of everything he had inside of himself. The muscles wrapped around Skwisgaar's cock tensed, the older man thrust inside of him bringing himself to his own finish cumming inside of him. Toki's lips found his kissing him lazily, moans turned to panting and passion into something tired and relaxed. The dark haired man moved from atop him to lay by his side, head resting on his chest. Skwisgaar kissed the top of his head.

“We could have been doing this for a long time now, couldn't we?” Toki asked looking up towards the older man.

“Yeah we could have, I started figuring you wouldn't want to around the time you started saying you hated me.”

The younger man looked embarrassed, “Right...So what do we do now?”

Skwisgaar moved away from the younger man so that he could sit up.

“Well first off we take a bath, because I'm sure as hell not letting you get cum all over my bed.”

“Like it would seriously be the first time.” Toki remarked laughing

“Come on get up smart ass”

The rhythm guitarist begrudgingly got up from the bed following Skwisgaar into the large adjoining bathroom. He stood off to the side watching as the older man filled the tub with water. Skwisgaar climbed in first followed by Toki, the younger man leaning back against his chest. The blond haired man worked at washing his skin being mindful of injuries he seemed to require recently.

“I wish you took better care of yourself.” Skwisgaar whispered as he carefully went over a large bruise on his side.

“You're one to talk.”

“I'm serious; you've been really fucking weird lately.”

He didn't act like his normal self lately; he was more like some warped struggling version that made Skwisgaar uneasy. He couldn't really think if he had seen him sober before today, possibly once or twice.

“I'm fine, don't worry so much. Not like you did before.”

“Hey I've always worried about you, I care about you.”

Toki grabbed hold of his right hand lacing their fingers together.

“Everything is crazy lately, I might as well be one of crazy things.” 

“Don't talk like that, you're not crazy.” Skwisgaar commented voice stern.

Toki lifted Skwisgaar's hand to his mouth kissing the back of it.

“I'm not sane either, I don't feel right anymore, and it's scary as hell.....I feel really small and alone, like when I was a kid.”

Skwisgaar kissed the top of his shoulder, “I'm going to work on being less of a prick, maybe we can work on fixing things.”

He wanted to help him, if he could even get just one of his friends to be okay again it would mean everything to him. Losing the band, his only real family hurt like Hell, but God at least right now he had this one person. 

“Thanks Skwisgaar”

“It's nothing, come on I'll wash your hair then we can get back to bed.”

Once both of them were clean and back in bed Skwisgaar lay on his side, Toki curled up against him. He ran his fingers through wet brown hair, Toki kissed him gently.

“This is....Weird, it's cool, but I don't know I just didn't figure we'd get here.” The younger musician commented shrugging.

“I didn't think so either, figured why the hell not since after tomorrow there's no more band.”

“So where does that leave this?” 

“I haven't thought too much about what I'm doing after we leave here. I just keep hoping Nathan will stop being an asshole and apologize, guess that isn't happening now. I'll just find some place new to live or go to Sweden for awhile until I figure something out...I was thinking you could come with me.”

“You actually want to live with me, like in a place where there aren't a billion rooms where you can ignore me.”

“Yeah I want to live with you.”

“Until I get on your nerves.”

Skwisgaar kissed him, “You're not that annoying, not always.”

He knew most times the two of them were fine when they were off on their own. For nearly five years they spent a good majority of their time around one another. Even times they wouldn't agree or get along they would still be found side by side even if they refused to speak, it was like nobody ever told them you aren't supposed to hang out with the person you're currently angry with. 

“Do you want to move in with me?”

“Sure, I've been freaked out thinking I didn't have anywhere to go this whole time. This is the first home I've really had, I'm not sure how well I'd do out on my own.”

“We don't have to be alone now, I think we'll do alright. I'll try and get into another band in a month or two, if they have a second guitar position open you can come with me.” Skwisgaar suggested.

The younger man smiled, “I figured you wanted far away from me musically”

“You aren't that terrible of a guitarist.”

It was as close to a compliment as Skwisgaar could get himself to go. He wasn't ready to admit Toki's skills came close to matching his own and if he worked harder then he would easily surpass him someday.

“You're still sort of an ass.”

“You love me though” Skwisgaar said smiling

“Yeah I do, fuck that's gay.” 

The younger man laughed, Skwisgaar liked hearing him laugh. He liked seeing him sober for the first time in days and not hanging around people who didn't care about him. This was their last night in a fantasy world all five of them had built from the ground up, whatever the hell would happen after tomorrow was unknown. Skwisgaar didn't mind it as much now, he had something to look forward to. 

He fell asleep with Toki curled up against him, Skwisgaar kept an arm wrapped around his waist. It was the first time he'd felt a sense of comfort from being with another person.

 

They awoke to the sound of their phones ringing reminding them to get up and dressed. Skwisgaar woke up first, he grabbed his phone off of the foot of the bed and tossed it towards the window, the blare of music stopped when it cracked against the wall. Toki didn't react as rudely to being woken by the sound of his phone going off, he just buried his face against Skwisgaar's chest and groaned in irritation.

“I think we have to get up Tokis”

“I'm comfortable here”

“Sooner we get this over with the better.” 

Skwisgaar got up out of bed leaving the younger man by himself. Toki rolled onto his back staring up at the white ceiling; he tried to get it to connect in his brain that this was possibly the last time he would ever be in this room or his own room. He would never get to see Mordhaus again other than to possibly see it be torn to the ground. He thought back to when their home had burned down, but this time nobody was going to be rebuilding it. 

“Come on, get your clothes on or borrow mine I don't care. Just get dressed.” 

Skwisgaar tossed a dress shirt at the younger man, Toki muttered under his breath something the blond couldn't hear. He got out of bed and dressed taking his time, if he stalled then maybe something would happen between now and the hour before the world they all built together would fall apart. 

When both men were dressed they stood facing each other, something about it felt like goodbye for the two of them. Skwisgaar placed a hand on his cheek, he leaned down kissing him gently.

“I'll see you after the funeral, we can plan things out when we get back home. I mean here.” Skwisgaar corrected himself, he needed to stop thinking of Mordhaus as home.

The sad look in his friend's eyes made his heart ache, he wasn't ready to lose everything.

“Can we get really drunk first?” Toki asked hopefully

“Sure elsker, I think I need to be drunk after this is over with.”

Toki's phone went off again, most likely it was Nathan or Murderface telling them to hurry up. Nobody had really heard from Pickles lately except for the occasional 'how are you' or an awkward update on the fact he was fine with the band ending. 

“Guess we should get going.”

“Yeah....I love you Skwisgaar.”

“I love you too” 

The last time that they kissed Skwisgaar never would have known that it would be the last time for a year.


End file.
